He stares off into nothingness. Not focused on anything. His entrie environment...nothing but a blur. He focuses...reading the text of his freinds. Shes sadden..hurt. What can he do? He feels useless...AGAIN..YET AGAIN...something happens to someone, and he cant do anything about it. USELESS. If only he was there..if only..he could help. But he wasnt..he isnt..so wat is he? Nothing but colored text on a screen now? All he can is be there 4 her...as he was there 4 another. But...the other time...he should have dropped it...it was safer..smarter..the better thing to do. But not this time. Its different...he has to be there. But to do wat? Clueless on wat to do...the boy sits..and waits..till he is beckoned. Thats wat he will do....as he would do for a few others...pain has crossed the childs eyes too many times. He cant bare to see it...stare at it. But no matter wat happens..its always there. Looking at him in the eye as it did so many be 4. He faces it...fearless. Yet..he remembers it...and he cries.

Well 2day i cleaned up my room. whoop-dee-doo. But...EARLY EARLY this morning..at around 3-4 AM...i went online. My freind... she wasnt doing to good. ::sigh:: i dont know..i want her to feel all better..but i dont knwo wat to do or say to help fix anything. Time really is the best remedy 4 her rite now i guess. I wish her good fortune...hope u get better girl...rememeber..I'M here 4 u. I dont care how "cliche" that sounds...i mean it dammit. I'm here 4 u...if u need me e-mail me or do something...goodnite all.
posted by Philip at 7:45 PM

 
Silence...Silence yet again. He lays there in his bed, shaking. why? What does he fear? Silence...silence. Nothingness. Loneliness. Is that wat he fears? He thinks...thinks of everyone he cares about. What is he to them? nothing? Loneliness. Lites...brite lites. Everywhere..every color of the rainbow, shinging beautifully rite outside his window pane. Reds...Greens. Christmas. Wat is this.."christmas spirit" everyone speaks of? The feeling of happiness? The feeling of recieving? The feeling of giving? The feeling of being considerate? Or is it all of them? "it is better to give than to recieve". Is that true? If u give anything and everything to everyone...but to get nothing in return, Is it truly better to "give" than to "recieve"? How do u know u are wanted, cared 4, worth anything, if ur never GIVEN anything? Why give to someone who doesnt give back? Nothing can work one sided...heh..maybe things can work one sided...but can both parties be happy if things are only one sided? MAYBE. But is that the way things should be? Who knows. The boy looks down. In his hands he olds a stuffed puppy and two blank christmas cards. Can words and some stuffed item really show how much here cares 4 people? Maybe..maybe not... but if those people get the feeling of being glad to have "recieved" something...then that boy..has done his job.

Well 2 day was pretty cool. I called up mark in the morning tellin him that well prolly nobody is goin to the mall 2 day. So we said FUCK IT. But later francis called me telling me that him and cory were there. And so i went with them. We watched the movie "ocean's 11". Very cool movie...i just thought it was really "slick" with all the different shiet they did. Went back to the mall...chilled. Francis left...bought a card...Cory left. I was alone...yet...i enjoyed it. Bought a stuffed dog for someone, bought another card. Nice day overall...though boring to anothers eyes...but no matter. I enjoyed myself..and thats wat matters. Heh...i tend to be a "christmas person"...but this year..im just not feelin it. ::sigh:: to many memories from a past christmas. Though they were nice memories, i cant help but just wish i could have soemthing like that. But wat can ya say...ur dealt a hand..then from there u work it. Nite all.
posted by Philip at 12:58 AM